things that are MEDICALLY NECESSARY

Hmmm. So I get to work, get everything cleaned up from yesterday's debacule of a clinc, get my coffee and sit down at my desk to officially start the day and the phone rings. OF COURSE. We have a work comp patient, which may not mean as much to some as it does to others, and her name is a normal name but of course said out of ordinarily. Um, so we will say like her name is Lisa, but you pronounce is LYSA.

Lysa calls me this morning and says that her spine surgeon's nurse told her to call me and tell me to order her a for lack of a better term "potty chair" for her. So that after her knee surgery she won't have to:

1. Walk to the bathroom
B. Miss any of her Soap Operas.

And also, her toilet is just so hard to get up off of, because its too low to the ground. (I was thinking to myself, do you pee in a hole in the ground???"

REACTION: First, I started looking around for some sort of strange person in the office (i.e. radio personality, ashton kutcher, etc.) and wondered if candid camera really IS off the air. Secondly, I said this, "Lysa, in all of the years that I have worked for Dr. Super Surgeon, I have NEVER ordered a potty chair for a patient, you do not need it. Your spine surgeon's nurse does not work for an arthroscopic orthopedic doctor, and as I am not suggesting the durable medical equipment necessary for spine surgeries, I would ask that their office respect our position as a strictly arthroscopic orthopedic office and trust that we know how to do our jobs." LONG PAUSE. Poor Lysa had to take a minute to process what I was saying.

RETORT: "If I were to walk to the bathroom, it would take me too long and I would miss half my soaps to get to the bathroom, go to the bathroom, and get back to the couch."

RESPONSE: "Life sucks Lysa. Get a TiVo."

After I hung up the phone, I thought to myself. THIS LADY WANTED ME TO WRITE HER A PRESCRIPTION SAYING THAT IT WAS MEDICALLY NECESSARY FOR HER TO CRAP IN HER LIVING ROOM JUST BECAUSE SHE IS LAZY. That's sick. When people start trying to find ways around being a human being in fear of missing 'Days'... That's freaking rock bottom in my book.

sidebar: I can't stand when co-workers walk up behind you and comment on what you're eating or drinking. "EW, WHAT IS THAT? IT LOOKS DISGUSTING!!" "Oh, you know it's baked monkey brains, it's the latest health trend. Wanna bite?" Mind your own freaking business. Just because we work together does NOT mean that your lard ass has licensure to comment on my salad with a cup of tuna on it. Go eat a snickers and get outta my office. Thanks.