I've decided that medicine is the most interesting, and possibly the most valuable profession to mankind. That's open to interpretation and discussion of course, and I did hesitate mildly at writing the bold statement as I was thinking of the baristas at Starbucks who make the best triple venti skinny vanilla latte. . . every time. Anyhow. Someone suggested that I pen my travels in medicine for the simple fact that they are so odd. I am apart of a bone and joint group (yes, I HAVE heard all of the jokes) and here at the body repair shop we see it all. Literally. People feel like they can share any and every part of their personal lives and past medical history when they are in a doctors office.
THINGS I DO NOT NEED TO KNOW:
1. Your daddy's cousin Marvin was once struck by lightning three times. That sentence doesn't even make sense. And unless Electric Marvin tore your ACL with his 10,000,000 watts of awesome-ness. . . I don't care. Not pertinent family medical history buddy.
2. Your next door neighbor had some knee pain just like this one time and he had to have his leg cut off. UGH.
3. Your shoulder hurts especially bad when trying to hold on to the headboard while having sex. "My shoulder hurts when I try to comb my hair or hang up my jacket" works just as well. Thanks for the unwanted mental image though.
THINGS I DO NEED TO KNOW:
1. ALL medicines you are currently taking, whether they were prescribed to you or not.
I have a STRONG suspicion with a current dynamic duo that we picked up in the ER (motorcycle wreck)that they are passing the pain pills around the dinner table with some Jack and Wild Turkey. The son and daughter-in-law call me CONSTANTLY, insisting that "Mom and Dad are just hurtin' bad" Hmmmm. Really? Maybe that's because you and your friends are chopping up Mom and Dads percocets and snorting them up your nose? Well okay, in all fairness, Mom and Dad had a couple of fractures that needed to be pinned. . . but neither one of these surgeries requires the artillery of narcotics that they have been requesting. So today, I cut them off. . . Not completely. But I gave them meds that will cut the minimal pain they are having at this point. AND, I didn't fax in the request back in until right before I leave the office, which would be now. So they can't call and bitch me out for the 32146849641321th time. HA!! I win.
Can't wait for that voicemail on Monday. . . It's gonna be great.
