YIKES!!

Oh work. I hate you so much.

I have a patient whom we shall call Melvin. We drew the lucky card on Melvin one cold night in April as he had fallen outside of a bar and broken his shoulder. Yes, he was wasted. So in flies the super boss, fixes his shoulder and leaves ole Melvin in the hospital to walk it off. Well Melvins's nurse calls me the day after surgery and tells me that Mr. Melvin repeatedly walks down to the nurses station and asks for vodka tonics, and then when the nurses say no, he asks them why they don't take visa. He is also "lewdly flirting" (is there any other kind??) with the nurses.

WHHHHAAAAAAAA???

Fine we'll order the psych consult that the hospital is wanting on the guy. Whatever. He's obviously off his rocker. Well we didn't hear from Melvin again until recently when he received his big fat bill from the hospital stating that he owed in excess of fifteen thousand dollars for his "stay". Four was for the surgery he had, three for the nights he spent in the hospital and eight and some change for the psych consult and treatment (for DT's of course). Melvin is PISSED at me. Because it says very clearly on his chart notes from the hospital that Rachel at Dr. Wonderful's office ordered this psych visit. I simply told the man that Dr. Wonderful wanted him to see the shrinks and that if he had a problem he could take it up with my boss. Also I gave Melvin Dr. Wonderful's address and told him the tales of the liquor cabinents in that house. Just kidding, but that would've been hilarious.

P.S. All that ridiculous crap I learned in college did not prepare me for having to deal with situations such as these. I'm going home to have a vodka tonic, cause that sounds delish. Thanks Melvin.